03/19/2023
Who am I?
What do I like?
Who do I want to spend time with?
What sounds fun to me?
These are all questions I found myself asking on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Do you find yourself in a place of transition?
Maybe you’re like me- a new empty nester.
Or maybe you’re newly single because of divorce or a nasty breakup.
Perhaps your spouse or partner died and now you feel lost.
Or maybe you’ve thrived on your own for years but find yourself in a new town without friends or family.
No matter what the reason, it’s hard to start over.
After my divorce I took time to work on me and heal. Apart from that my focus was my young adult kids. And then I poured myself into preparing and selling the house I lived in for 20 plus years. It wasn’t all hard. I moved and fell in love. To be honest, I feel like I spent the last year finally being able to breathe.
And then it hit.
Boredom. Loneliness.
“What now?”
I grew increasingly discontent and wondered,
“Is this just the Enneagram 7 in me- always wanting more?” Or “Am I really just a miserable human being?”
It didn’t help that I was in the throes of menopause. (That’s a whole other journey)
One of my closest friends kept asking “What sounds fun to you?”
I couldn’t answer.
When I looked back over my life I realized that no matter how much I worked on myself- my focus was usually what made other people happy.
Spouse. Kids. Extended family.
How much of my life was spent helping others?
What parts of my new life were revolving around what my new partner enjoyed?
On a boring, rainy Friday afternoon I asked my Facebook community for ideas of “fun” things to do. They came through but we didn’t end up doing any of them. This led to a conversation of how it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to entertain me. Ouch!
And so the next afternoon that I had free and was alone I decided to take the list and start doing things by myself. Alone. Solo.
I ordered a movie ticket online. One ticket.
I almost stayed home. There was plenty of work to do and besides, it would be pretty uncomfortable to go out by myself. But I did It.
The theater was one I had driven by for years but never took the time to see what it was about. And instead of seeing the feel good movie that I would normally choose because of who I was with, I chose the artsy film.
As I sat alone in the theater I wondered how many other people are in a similar season?
If you’ve read this long story up to this point, maybe you’re connecting to the place I’m in?
I realize that it would probably be normal to write and share my experience after I’ve come through the other side but I feel like it’s going to be more real and give me some accountability if I invite you on the journey.
That’s a little terrifying for me and I’m not sure what it will look like but here goes.
I’ve started a private Facebook group.
It’s called “Lisa’s journey to figuring out who the hell she is”
Just kidding! It's called "The Journey to figuring out who you are"
I may end up being the only person in the group. Except my best friend. She will join because she loves and supports me but mostly because she’s tired of hearing me complain.
I am not 100 percent sure what I’ll post in the group. Right now I think I’ll start with
My struggles and how they lead to ?/s that need answering - maybe ?s you can ask youself
My attempts at self care
Tips for navigating transition including "How to make friends 101"
Ways to let go and move forward
How to find your new passions
Relationships with people who don't appreciate how you've changed
I'll probably throw in some podcasts, books or songs that encourage me along the way.
Whew - that feels like a lot!
Do you want to join me? It will be a private, confidential group. You can simply observe the crazy train or participate by sharing your own journey, asking ?s or sharing your tips. Message me on Facebook or email me at Lisa@Lisabest.net and I'll send you an invite.
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