12/20/2022
Traditions. They can be good and they can be oh so hard. My family has certainly changed over the years and my hope is that we are getting healthier. It seemed a lot easier to plan for the holidays when my kids were all under my roof. This morning I created a spreadsheet in Google Docs of flights, who is picking up who, where everyone needs to be and who is in charge. Things have changed:)
There is one thing I've heard repeatedly in my years of counseling and that's how much people hate having to "go home" for the holidays. I never had to travel very far and I certainly didn't have to use my vacation to visit family at Christmas. But my kids are now in that space and I have decided that I want them to feel free to enjoy their holidays whether they are with me or not. (Remind me of this when I have grandkids!). It's hard but I want them to want to come home. None of my kids came home for Thanksgiving. Cameron was in California where he is on staff with Circuit Riders Ministry and Caroline flew to Denver to be with Kendall. I missed them but Cameron enjoyed the day with his community and Kendall and Caroline were able to spend the day with one of my best friends which allowed them to get to know her. Caroline shared with me how giving her that freedom was a gift.
In this podcast, Happyish Holidays: Our top 3 hacks for hard holidays Glennon and team share that 45% of Americans would prefer to skip the winter holidays. Would we dread the holidays less if we stopped doing the things we hate?
This year my extended family is choosing to get together on the 23rd instead of the 24th. I can't say that this has been easy on my Mom but we would rather have everyone together than to keep the tradition and someone not be able to attend.
And for the first time I am navigating what it might look like to blend two families who each have their own traditions. It's taking work and a lot of communication but I'm hopeful it will set a precedent that we all have needs during the holidays and if we actually state what those are, maybe we can actually enjoy the time together. I'm taking Glennon's advice and viewing this holiday as an experiment and my plans as options. We get to decide whether we keep them or never try it again!
I think there is a balance and I want to live somewhere between selfish Lisa who says "I'm only doing what I want" and people pleasing Lisa who does what everyone else wants even if it's not healthy for me.
There's so much more in this podcast. I loved it! I will warn you, there is some language - so maybe listen without kids in the car.