10/29/2024
Androids and Iphones
I blew it.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t get into an argument with my Dad about politics but I failed.
It was a boring Friday night and he had asked me to help him set up his new continuous glucose monitor. I had put it off for several days, mostly because installing an app on his phone was part of the process. I usually consider myself decently tech savvy but he has an Android phone and I have an iPhone. Doing anything with his phone leaves me feeling less than intelligent. I had been sick all day but instead of waiting to tackle the task when I felt better, I gave into the pressure that only I was putting on myself to “get it done”.
Looking back I realize that the phone brought up some frustration and some reality.
My Dad and I are different
I think iPhones are easier to operate. He has chosen to use an Android.
I don’t get it. I have at least 10 reasons why his life would be easier if he would just switch to an Iphone and my reasons are valid. He could Facetime with his grandkids and I could easily teach him how to operate his phone without having to YouTube it. Life would be easier….for me. And yet, he’s 77 years old and he’s probably not going to switch phones anytime soon. (insert sigh).
As we were waiting for the app to download he said,
“I want to ask you one question.”
There it was. I knew what was coming. We had been here before and I knew how it would go.
He would ask me if I knew XYZ about one of the Presidential Candidates and my Mom would chime in. Although there might be some truth to his statement, the underlying emotion would be fear. I would come back with something that I believed to be true and then he would come back with something to defend or refute it.
I should have walked away but my desire to “get the thing done” (the glucose monitor) kept me from protecting our relationship. It got ugly. Voices were raised. I used some language I’ve never spoken in front of my parents and everyone’s blood pressure went up. I finally walked away, took some deep breaths, sent a text to a friend and calmed down.
When I returned to the living room full of shame, my Dad said,
“I love you Lisa and I think we should just be Dad & Daughter”
We both apologized and agreed to not talk politics for a while.
Later that night as I sat in my regret I realized a few things.
Both of us were passionate because we care about our people. We both shared concerns about the things we are seeing in the world and how they could affect my kids - his grandkids. Just like our phones, our views are different but at the root is concern for the people we love. This perspective helped me see my Dad in a different way. I mean, nothing either of us said changed our minds. In fact, we had already voted. However, seeing my Dad’s heart helped me see him in a different light.
Everyone knows that our country is divided and honestly, I don’t have to do life with people whose beliefs are so different than mine. I get to choose. Sometimes that means distancing myself from people and sometimes it means choosing to be in a relationship with people that I love - even if they use an Android phone and I use an Iphone. Sometimes protecting the relationship means I’ll keep using YouTube to learn how to help my Dad with his phone, and I’ll stay away from talking politics…..because my relationship with him is more important and it’s worth protecting.
What about you?
Are you feeling frustrated, wondering how in the world people can view things so differently?
Here are 3 tips for navigating relationships with people who have different political views:
1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Instead of trying to change their opinion, ask open-ended questions like, “What experiences shaped your views?” This helps you understand their perspective and can build mutual respect. I wish I would have spent more time asking my Dad about his fears.
2. Find Common Ground and Shared Values
Even with different political views, most people share common desires—like wanting security, happiness, and meaningful connections. Focus on areas where your values align (e.g., caring about family, community, or well-being) to strengthen the relationship. Next time I’ll try to affirm my Dad’s heart.
3. Set Boundaries and Know When to Step Back
If conversations become heated or unproductive, it’s okay to set limits: “I’d rather not discuss politics—let’s focus on things we both enjoy.” Always remember, it’s okay to walk away. In some cases you may need to distance yourself from someone.
I don’t think the division will change anytime soon but I hope these strategies will help you keep the focus on what matters most—your relationship beyond politics.
Text...